D&D Table Etiquette – Insider Tips on How to Get Along

D&D Table Etiquette – Insider Tips to Improve Your Games

Mastering table etiquette is essential for creating a fun and immersive roleplaying experience. In this episode, the RPG Blokes discuss the unwritten rules of tabletop RPGs and share insider tips on how to enhance group dynamics.

Why Table Etiquette Matters

Respecting the game and fellow players ensures a smoother experience. However, many new players feel unsure about what’s expected at the table. Fortunately, small adjustments can make a big difference.

Key etiquette points include:

• Being punctual: Arriving on time shows respect for your fellow players.
• Taking turns: Avoid interrupting others, allowing everyone a chance to contribute.
• Managing distractions: Keep phone usage to a minimum to stay engaged.

Navigating Social Dynamics

Group play requires collaboration. Therefore, knowing when to contribute and when to listen enhances the game for everyone. Additionally, learning how to read the table helps you gauge the right moments to speak up or step back.

Creating an Inclusive and Enjoyable Experience

A welcoming game table benefits everyone. By setting expectations early, players ensure a balanced and enjoyable environment. Moreover, maintaining open communication fosters a more immersive roleplaying experience.

Whether you’re new to RPGs or a seasoned player, this episode provides essential advice on how to create a respectful and fun tabletop experience.

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Episode Transcript

Mark:
[0:00] Welcome to RPG Blokes. In this episode, we’re focusing on table etiquette, the unwritten rules of a role-playing game session. So if you’re new to in-person games, you might be wondering how to navigate the group dynamic, when it’s okay to jump in, how much you’re expected to know or say. So from asking questions and staying aligned with the group’s flow to understanding when to step back and just enjoy the experience. We’ll cover it all, whether it’s about communicating openly or easing the pressure to perform. So we’ve got a lot of little tips on how you’re going to find your social experience to be. And we want you to feel at ease as you sit at the table, you’re more likely to turn up if potentially already considered some of the things that we can explain to you. So let’s dive right in. Okay we’ll start the podcast by introducing the rpg blokes and with a small insight into their character barry is a bastion of good intention he’s the least likely amongst us to be locked up for tweeting something inappropriate true but the most likely to be locked up for anything else true okay got that right good uh john um also a bastion of good intention but definitely the most likely to be found on the dnd sex dungeon podcast no.

Jon:
[1:39] It would interfere with the gaming.

Mark:
[1:42] Okay uh steven the voice of common sense the um the late night dj voice of common sense only to be found here on RPG Blokes whose integrity runs as deep as his Baldur’s Gate 3 addiction.

Stephen:
[1:56] Still not played it.

Mark:
[1:59] I knew you’d say that. Okay, so we’re talking about, again, here today, we’re talking about table etiquette, insider tips on how to behave. Get on with everybody at the table. So the angle on this one is that, yeah, this is a little like a meeting, isn’t it, where you get together at work and you sit around a table and, well, you might have somebody chair in the meeting. That could be your DM. So I had this idea that I would take the principles of good office meeting etiquette and we’ll run through them. I think there were 10 of them. And we can see how they might translate to the role-playing table and help make you a fantastic player at the table. So each of these rules are valuable within a work setting. But I think, having read through them in advance, which nobody else has done, that they can also be applied to role-playing games to help everybody feel engaged, respected, and involved in the experience. So we’ll start with number one. be on time so in an office arriving arriving on time shows respect for your colleagues and sets a professional tone and it signals that you value their time and are prepared to contribute being on time.

Jon:
[3:11] If you’re five minutes late you’ve stolen five minutes from everyone else there, that’s probably the best uh example i ever heard but.

Mark:
[3:20] That’s the dm that much is true we’re talking about from a player.

Jon:
[3:22] So even then if people await if you’re in the middle of a fight uh so you’ve had to cut the previous session short halfway through a combat people are still going to wait for your turn or but or you get npc and you voluntarily uh decided to jump in front of an arrow mint for another player so that’s what happens i.

Barry:
[3:43] Want to jump in yeah um i’m, I don’t think it’s about turning up on time. I think it’s about making the effort to turn up on time. The world is a complicated place. Things conspire against you. You’re going to be late from time to time. Sometimes I know I’m going to be late because of the way my shift pattern works. So, you know, I’ll give the DM a heads up. You know, I’m going to be there, but I’m going to be tardy. Crack on without me if you’re in a situation that you can. I don’t think you’re stealing anything from anyone because I just think that they should be able to get on without you. I accept that I’m going to miss out on a bit. You know, we’re all at the mercy of public transport and traffic flow and family and kids. And, you know, all of these things can make it difficult for people. I think people know if you’re taking the piss or whether you’ve been unlucky. And don’t beat yourself up about, you know, occasionally being late.

Mark:
[4:35] Yeah. Nobody’s going to be too upset.

Jon:
[4:37] No, it’s like you said, it’s intention.

Barry:
[4:40] Absolutely.

Jon:
[4:40] Absolutely. Sometimes I’ve not been able to start because the buses are nightmarish. But, yeah, for the most part, if you try. Yes.

Mark:
[4:49] So it’s not quite as official as that. Would you say that too, Stephen? I mean, if everybody was a bit late, then it would have an impact.

Stephen:
[4:56] Yeah, we can say that, yeah, definitely life gets in the way. It does. But we’re talking about taking this in isolation. Is it good for the game for people to be late then? No. As simple as that. It isn’t. um and because you keep people keeping especially if there’s lots of people late they’ll come in rolling at different times um just taking this solely as a game and it’s isolation not in life yeah we’re trying to give people.

Mark:
[5:20] Um some tips on how to get on and do well and integrate quickly and effectively so.

Stephen:
[5:25] Yeah good.

Mark:
[5:26] Time keeping is going to be.

Stephen:
[5:28] Yeah obviously obviously there’s reasons for being late of course but in isolation yeah don’t be late as if you can avoid it definitely Most important thing.

Jon:
[5:37] Have each other’s numbers or Discord or whatever, let people know. That way, a lot of wrinkles can be ironed out. If people are having to wait around for you for whatever reason, especially if you’re the ref, the ref can’t make it. We know hours in advance at the worst, and plans can be made. Not an issue.

Mark:
[6:00] Yeah, I’m just talking about general punctuality for when the game begins do your best to be there we have a player on our table that, sometimes you know he’s often late isn’t he not not you barry we’re talking about another guy that his work is obviously taking a lot out of him and it’s very unpredictable but the one thing for certain is that when we all hear that he’s going to be late we’re we’re all hoping he can be there no matter what time he turns up yeah and when he walks through the door we’re all you know yeah great to see you yeah so you will feel that people will want you there they’d rather you be there late than not at all better.

Stephen:
[6:36] Late than ever yeah.

Mark:
[6:37] I think so and.

Barry:
[6:38] I think it’s the thing as well i think if you are like habitually late without justification without notice yeah yeah that’s not good.

Mark:
[6:45] But i.

Barry:
[6:46] Think we you know we all we all know it’s complicated out there and i you know people can tell if you’re if you’re making the effort and we all know that that player is making the effort you know.

Mark:
[6:55] You can.

Barry:
[6:55] See the the effort he makes to get there and his work is very volatile you know he gets told about um he has to have meetings with people in america and he gets two hours notice you.

Mark:
[7:05] Know it’s.

Barry:
[7:05] Like it’s it.

Mark:
[7:06] Is it.

Barry:
[7:07] Is very much out of his hands.

Mark:
[7:09] There is a consequence to being late like you say steven it will impact the aim some days worse than others perhaps if you if it’s your first session being late is not great because the dm will want to integrate you and do so at the beginning of the session before other things commence if you unless unless everyone’s beginning at the same time it’s just not great yeah let them know if you’re gonna be late as a standard but.

Stephen:
[7:29] I mean yeah otherwise if you get a lot of players going late they’re rolling at different times it kind of it disturbs the meeting as it would in the office.

Mark:
[7:35] Yeah scenario.

Stephen:
[7:36] So technically it would disturb as you come in you’re trying to fill the new player in or the player that was late in what you’ve been up to you do that and then someone else turns up like you have to fill that player in about what you’ve been up to the alternative is just to let him sit down and say nothing to him and he’s got to sit there thinking what the hell’s going on so.

Mark:
[7:51] It’s not good for you either is it yeah and nobody wants that because you’re unlikely to turn up twice if that’s your experience on the first time you have nobody what’s going on because you turn And that half hour later.

Stephen:
[7:59] Nobody’s explained to you what’s going on.

Mark:
[8:00] Yeah.

Stephen:
[8:01] Yeah, you’re not going to like it yourself.

Mark:
[8:03] So, yeah, definitely two ways of looking at this. And I favour Barry’s approach far more than I do of saying you’ve got to be there at any particular time. But let’s be clear. You’re integrating yourself into a new social group and a new hobby. Be there on time. Definitely to your advantage. Point two, turn off your phone. Now, that’s not one that you would go with.

Barry:
[8:27] No, I’m not. I already mentioned in a previous podcast that I Google stuff to do with a game. Can’t do that if my phone’s off. Do you know what I mean? And it’s actually my life is still running. Important things still might happen. And, you know, I have… You know, I don’t think it’s undiagnosed, but I think anyone that knows me knows that I’ve, you know, probably got ADHD. And I am that guy who just flicks at his phone every now and then. And I find it really hard not to do that. I don’t think it interrupts the way that I do it. I don’t think it interrupts the flow of the game. I don’t, no one’s ever looked at me and thought that’s rude. And I would say that 80% of the time that if I am looking at my phone, I’m Googling a spell or I’m, you know, I’m Googling a rule or I’m, you know, it’s a resource that I think is worth having at the table. um if it goes off and it’s a call i mean when we started recording um the podcast today you know my mum phoned me um she was in hospital yesterday that’s a call i’ve got to take now i’m not going to take it at the table but i will say excuse me folks i have to take this if you can’t if you’re the guy that can’t put the phone down then it’s something to consider is.

Mark:
[9:30] That probably we don’t have those kind of players at our table very often but i do hear stories of players that yeah that They’re on their phone and then they’re more interested with what’s on their phone than they are within the game, John.

Jon:
[9:41] I think some of that is more a holdover from like the 90s where a phone was just text and calls. So, yeah, what you said, you’re letting people know if something’s happening. That’s an entirely different thing. If it’s someone who’s distancing themselves from the game because they’re tapping away and their focus is on that, not because, I mean, I’ll do it, look up spells and stuff like that. That’s all fine. But when they’re ignoring what’s going on, they’re not interacting or even listening to what the other characters are doing, and they come off of that when it’s their turn and go, oh, what’s happening? And want a 10-minute recap because they’re tap, tap, tapping… that’s a different thing.

Mark:
[10:27] It does affect your attention on the game especially as a new player i’d say because you know focusing on what’s going on is it’s more important you’re everything you’re learning everything aren’t you everything’s new so you want to experience it all yeah.

Stephen:
[10:39] Maybe obviously don’t turn off your phone but just leave it in your pocket unless you’re using it actively for the game i would say.

Barry:
[10:45] So look look at my phone now that’s what i do when i’m at the table my phone is resting on the table it’s in silent mode and it’s screen side down so i’m not being distracted by the notifications if it rings i’ll have a look because it could be important.

Mark:
[11:00] So i think it’s important again there’s a shade of gray to this i think what again an etiquette i guess you could use that word your use of the phone at the gaming table is normal and it’s it’s it’s totally acceptable it’s not intrusive no and but there are other people that that you have at your table that can but they don’t look like they want to be there they’re involved in something else they might have a game.

Stephen:
[11:20] On their an app or something like that which is not great for the Do you know what?

Barry:
[11:23] I’ve seen people, and they’re using a laptop for their character sheet, and they’ve got some kind of game running in the background. I’ve never noticed it affecting my experience of the game, but I have found myself thinking I couldn’t do that because I couldn’t concentrate on two fucking things at once.

Stephen:
[11:39] They probably can’t either, to be fair. Yeah, they probably can’t.

Mark:
[11:42] When bored, don’t go to the phone for that reason, would be my advice. Let’s just focus and try and get something from what’s going on around you rather than just, as often people do, pick up the phone and doom scroll, whatever it’s called.

Jon:
[11:55] If you are going to do a game or something on your phone, make sure it’s a turn-based one, something you can pause.

Stephen:
[12:03] I just don’t do a game.

Jon:
[12:04] Yeah, I know. But if people… So getting on to accessories, a lot of people have a fidget. For a lot of people, that’s a phone. For me, it’s this little… It’s a pipe spacer. It’s not even a ring. But you won’t find me without it because I’m always…

Stephen:
[12:21] Spacing pipes.

Mark:
[12:22] So the phone is a fidget for certain people.

Jon:
[12:27] Yeah.

Mark:
[12:27] And you’d rather them be…

Jon:
[12:29] As long as they can interact when needed, and they are keeping track of it, Because if it’s not something that massively drains you.

Mark:
[12:38] And they’re not being disruptive. So you’d rather them be quiet with a screen.

Jon:
[12:41] Yeah. If it’s something that’s going zap capally while people are trying to talk, fuck right off.

Barry:
[12:46] I mean, look, this comes up a lot. But this is going to be down to, obviously, like we all have personal responsibility. But managing this kind of stuff is to some extent down to the DM as well. If you’ve got a player and you think their phone or tablet usage is interrupting the flow of the game, that’s a difficult conversation that you’re going to have to have with them, you know. I think most people would take that on board. I know I would. No, it’s never happened to me. No one’s ever said it to me. I make a conscious effort not to piss about on my phone, but switching it off seems a bit extreme when I can use it for the game.

Stephen:
[13:23] Yeah, so the question was, should you switch your phone off? And I don’t think you should.

Mark:
[13:26] No. That would be office etiquette. We don’t believe that they would apply here, but certainly some elements of phone use you should try and avoid. Definitely just don’t pick it up when… and it’s not your turn. You know, sit and watch.

Jon:
[13:39] Yeah, if it’s a role-play game especially, you should be invested in each other’s stories and what they’re doing. But, yeah, some people do just switch off from that and that’s where it becomes bad.

Barry:
[13:52] Yeah, I have finished speaking, now I’m on my phone.

Jon:
[13:54] Yeah.

Mark:
[13:55] There are players like that, but then they do still turn up and enjoy the game. Okay, number three. So this one would be to introduce yourself. and we’ve already covered in the previous podcast that you’d quite likely be called to introduce your character rather than yourself. Nobody’s going to say, so who are you? You might want to say your name, but very little else would be required of you. But your character would be introduced. So when joining a new team or a meeting, introducing yourself helps break the ice and establish a rapport. It lets others know who you are and what you bring to the table. So be prepared to do that with your character. So even though other people may be there watching you roll the character up and have a fairly decent idea of what it is, it’s always great. And you will almost certainly be required to then kind of abbreviate it and round it all off and explain that to everybody else. So be prepared to do that. That might be something that you’re not particularly comfortable doing. I don’t know how difficult that is. Sorry, John.

Barry:
[14:55] So this is something that I’ve said quite a bit. You know, the speech element of role-playing games was something that I found very… difficult and it made me very self-conscious and it started with the introducing your character just if you want to just be really basic you know this is my character’s name this is what my guy looks like this is what class i am thank you.

Mark:
[15:14] Yeah you.

Barry:
[15:15] Can you don’t have to put your heart and soul into that it’s not that it’s just not that deep folks.

Mark:
[15:19] Yeah i.

Stephen:
[15:20] Think you’re more likely to be uh required to describe your character introduce your character rather than you are yourself.

Mark:
[15:25] Really are aren’t you yeah.

Stephen:
[15:26] Because when new people have turned up when i’ve been dim i’m the one that’s known them and i’ve introduced them to people so this is so and so and this is everyone else but that generally happens once your character kind of is something that’s always there so it’s probably more important to know what your character looks like and what he’s up to then.

Mark:
[15:40] The other the other things the more i find at the end of the session when we’ve got new characters i quite often stand and talk to them for a little bit the people and then ask a bit more about them that’s for me or if you’re a tour session early then there’s small talk but once you’re sitting at the table it’s all about the character and not about you just be prepared to present what you’ve created and do so well and everyone will love you for it. The fourth thing is to listen actively. So in a professional setting, active listening is key to understanding others’ ideas and responding thoughtfully. It shows respect and helps build collaborative relationships. I think this one is very relevant, I think, to our hobby and to what might be expected of you and how you might like to behave, active listening.

Jon:
[16:24] Pretty much what we’re doing here sorry.

Mark:
[16:27] Yeah as a dm do you do you often notice when somebody isn’t actively listening.

Stephen:
[16:32] Does that mean actively talking to somebody else whilst you’re talking to a player yeah that’s a bit weird i think yeah.

Mark:
[16:39] They’re doing something else a bit more obvious but the act.

Stephen:
[16:42] Of actively signing out yeah uh yeah i suppose you’re less likely to notice it as a dm and then you are as a fellow player i think sometimes you look at other players and think they ain’t listening but as a dm you’re concentrated on the person you are talking to, So I would kind of miss maybe if someone zoned out.

Mark:
[16:57] Because you can ask players to do something quite unexpectedly sometimes. I’ve had the experience where I’ve gone, right, so your character, whatever the name is, what do you want to do? And the player looks up. I mean, John, so you DM to children a lot. That must be a real issue, right? Active listening amongst children, far more of a problem for you. How do you handle those things?

Jon:
[17:19] That was aided with props, things for them to interact with. So the introduction of physical representations for potion bottles. So they could line them up in front of them, and that would be a, they’d show what they’re using. The cards showing their feats, rather than having to grab the book, flick through and everything else. Not everyone’s a speed reader, that’s fine.

Mark:
[17:44] So could all of these things, which you can tell us more about, Would they apply to adults, do you think? An adult could bring a prop along or some…

Jon:
[17:51] Yeah, well, if someone really can’t focus… Yeah, there’s ways around it. It’s extra work, but ultimately it’s rewarding when they do engage because you’re just trying to capture their imagination. Not all aspects of gaming are for everyone, like I said, but some aren’t into investigation and so on, so depending on the system.

Mark:
[18:14] So as an experienced DM, You can spot when somebody’s not actively listening and potentially help them to re-engage with what’s going on through.

Jon:
[18:21] It’s keeping track of the plot line. There’s a difference between… focusing on something that’s come up so i get it myself uh plot lines will be explained or i’m listening to what the other players are describing going and that will capture my imagination and i’ll go off on a tangent while i’m trying to listen that’s just a player you’re talking about now oh yeah sometimes there’s a dm because they’re in character and they’re really good and i’m not going plot hook it.

Stephen:
[18:52] Comes down to it it’s a it’s a verbal based game isn’t it it’s done but if you speak in so you’re not listening then you’re not playing it technically so it’s, it’s you’ve got to listen but I understand you zone out occasionally because games could be three four hours long but on the whole you have to listen to participate it’s part of the deal.

Barry:
[19:09] I mean one of the things as well that I tell you something about myself here I’m hopelessly addicted to nicotine and you know four hours without hitting nicotine is a fucking long time for me so there are times where I leave the table like I’m going outside for a vape I’ll only be three minutes, um but i try and pick those moments i try and pick those moments when um someone else is the focus um and like i know the players at my table well enough that they’re not going to get young with me and they will give me a quick recap if anything major happened do you know what i mean it’s like again of course you know you want to be at the table as as much as you can the.

Mark:
[19:46] Game continues in your absence.

Barry:
[19:47] Absolutely there’s no no i mean okay so like occasionally the dm might need a wee like and you know that’s obviously when i’m going to go for a vape i’m not i’m not stupid yeah but you know if i it’s.

Mark:
[20:00] Strange how we don’t have little breaks like that do we as a.

Barry:
[20:02] General because you’re allowed to.

Stephen:
[20:04] Leave it’s not like in meetings you can’t get off and walk out can you but.

Barry:
[20:07] You definitely can i mean i have yeah but it’s found upon but you don’t need to.

Mark:
[20:13] John say look we’re going to take five here everybody refresh themselves go toilet have a little.

Jon:
[20:17] No not usually i mean it can happen if someone needs to go and it would be a bad time to continue the narrative without them then yeah i’ve said all right we’ll take five minutes grab a snack or whatever it’s.

Mark:
[20:29] Just not a thing though is it taking breaks within the game it.

Jon:
[20:32] Doesn’t uh more online normally if one goes we’ll all take uh yeah.

Mark:
[20:36] But in person don’t expect there to be breaks where everybody gets up and.

Barry:
[20:40] The game depends on the group but But feel free to take as many breaks as you need, not as many as you want.

Mark:
[20:48] Yeah, okay, good advice. So that’s the active listening. It does move on to a point five quite well. It’s being active participants. So engagement in the meeting demonstrates commitment and investment by contributing ideas and feedback. You help the team make progress and solve problems. So this is a little bit more challenging, I suppose, because you’re naturally going to be a little bit more reserved on your first session or on your early sessions. And so being an active participant, it’s going to be difficult because you’re going to be surrounded potentially by other people that have a greater voice than you, that are more experienced. Perhaps doing that on the first session is a little bit too much to ask. I don’t know. But it is important, isn’t it, to be active within the game in order to maintain that attention to it. John? Yeah.

Jon:
[21:37] I mean, if you just want to turn up and spend time with your friends, that is a valid reason to game. Absolutely. but turning up to interact is really the focus of it um and like steve said earlier you get out what you put in if you carry the day because you solved a puzzle or you you knew that one-off weird little fact that caused that riddle to actually do what it was supposed to do that that can really be a good thing for you and you won’t get that if you don’t listen well or actively participate and that one.

Mark:
[22:14] Thing is what you go home smiling about, right? Yeah, it could be the one minute amongst the four hours.

Jon:
[22:20] I mean, I’m not clever, but I love it when random little fact. Fuck yeah.

Stephen:
[22:25] Yeah, as a DM, I’d feel kind of a little bit uncomfortable if someone sat there and did nothing for the entire session. Even if that’s what they wanted to do, I would come to them and ask them specifically, what do you want to do here? So technically you would, if you’re sitting at the table, you will have to participate. Because as a DM, I think, oh, wow, he didn’t enjoy that game. He did nothing. He won’t come back. So I’d want him to do something.

Mark:
[22:49] You don’t allow that situation to develop.

Stephen:
[22:51] I wouldn’t allow them to do nothing unless I really felt they didn’t really want to do anything. But I’d at least give them the opportunity at regular intervals to do something. Yeah, 100%. Because I just feel too uncomfortable for letting them do nothing.

Mark:
[23:01] Well, there you know. That’s when you know whether you’ve got a good DM or not, I think. Because somebody that lets you sit there through the entire session not saying things, you’ll get more and more uncomfortable with that situation as the night goes on.

Stephen:
[23:12] You’ve got to break that ice, haven’t you? You’ve got to get in there and get your first, yeah, I’m going to kill him out of the way or I’m going to run away.

Jon:
[23:18] You can’t weaken the burn music, can you?

Barry:
[23:22] So, like, there are different ways to kind of be involved as well. I think one of the things that I found really useful to begin with, I mean, obviously, I’ve said this before, I was very lucky, a really great group of people. If I didn’t have anything to say because I wasn’t sure, you know, kind of what my options were, ask questions. You know, actually ask the question. If someone says something and you don’t know what that means, ask.

Mark:
[23:44] That’s point six.

Barry:
[23:45] Is it really? I didn’t know that.

Mark:
[23:46] Sorry.

Barry:
[23:46] This is the point that I should probably admit that I don’t really read the notes that you send out.

Stephen:
[23:51] Ask clarifying questions.

Mark:
[23:53] Yeah. So I’ll move on quickly and then you can continue with what you’re saying. Point six, ask clarifying questions. So asking questions in a meeting when something is unclear ensures you’re on the same page.

Stephen:
[24:03] What the fuck’s going on?

Barry:
[24:04] If there’s been a result to something and you don’t understand how you reach that result, just ask the dm or the player’s character who is involved right why was that a success why was that a failure what the fuck happened there is a perfectly valid question to ask at the table especially when you’re new and.

Mark:
[24:20] Those questions if you ask them at the table how would you think what’s the best way of presenting them would you teach them to the dm privately to the guy next to you or just to the players in general.

Barry:
[24:28] Hold the table i think it can i think it completely depends on the situation so if the gm has ruled on something and you don’t understand why that’s been ruled on then ask to have the rule explained if a um character has used a skill that you’ve never seen before feel free to say to them what was that well you know what class are you playing and where did you choose that amazing thing because at some point in the future i want to do what you just did so.

Mark:
[24:51] In general you don’t have a lot of um discrete conversations occurring around the table do you you don’t it’s not it’s not great if it if a couple of people are having an ongoing conversation even if it’s relevant i find that as a dm one of the worst things to have to deal with as a DM, I find it quite off-putting to me because I’m wondering whether they’re engaging and it’s quite often a sign that they’re not.

Jon:
[25:12] You’re not leaving over to the ref and saying, shut up a minute, we’re talking.

Barry:
[25:17] Yes, I’ll go back. I now have my new strategy.

Stephen:
[25:21] Yeah, I don’t think everyone, the ref or anyone, has a problem with you talking about the game like that. I think if you’re talking about something, it might as well be the game. But yeah, if you’re going to ask questions, the DM is a good person to ask.

Mark:
[25:31] The more that can go through the DM, the better, I think, for everybody.

Barry:
[25:34] Feel free to ask questions in between sessions if you have a way of communicating with each other if you’re on discord if you’ve got a whatsapp group yeah just feel free to if something you didn’t quite get just message someone yeah.

Mark:
[25:47] Sorry seriously encouraged that also reminds me that if you’ve got a problem with something that’s happened in the session it’s far better to bring that up at the end it’s unlikely as a new player you’re going to be that antagonistic but is that how you approach sort of uh divisive incidents within the games meta meta yes.

Jon:
[26:02] So to avoid confrontation which can go negatively if it it’s not grossing someone up it’s if you have an issue with maybe the way someone’s played something if you think someone’s cheated it occasionally happens i know it’s the c word we don’t like um yeah a chat on facebook message or discord whatever you’ve got with the ref.

Mark:
[26:30] They’re the hardest conversations to have i if I’m calling somebody out, it’s better to just let them get away.

Barry:
[26:35] Calling someone out.

Jon:
[26:36] Yeah, it doesn’t normally happen, but it has happened in the past. I’ve seen it. It can be awkward, and it’s far better to sort it out one way or the other. If the ref has described something’s happening and you don’t think it should have done, rather than argue it at the table, disrupt the session, go with it. afterwards say you know i don’t think that’s right and that they could just say let’s get stuffed but that’s unlikely to happen they’ll say well yeah but there’s a reason for it there’ll be something that’ll make it clear further down the road and that that can make things.

Mark:
[27:14] So these are questions that comes under the the topic of the questions as well to present these things at the end of the session uh steven i mean you’re pretty good at spotting cheats because i suppose it takes one to no one.

Barry:
[27:27] Can we get a saucer of milk over here for Mark please is that talking for experience or.

Mark:
[27:33] Well you’re the one that described your d20.

Stephen:
[27:35] As we as we discovered that certainly isn’t cheating that’s well within the laws of the game I’ve.

Jon:
[27:41] Had players that will say.

Stephen:
[27:42] Oh yeah it’s 20 yeah it happens all the time that happens all the time cheating is so much more easy to do in this day and age.

Mark:
[27:51] I can spot a cheat by how difficult their dice are to read at a distance i love i love the players that get the dice where the numbers are almost the same color as the die itself you know that they’re up to something.

Barry:
[28:02] No i don’t agree because i’ve got dice like that and it’s just because i bought a shit dice.

Mark:
[28:06] Uh it’s 0.7, Give others the opportunity to speak. This assumes that you’re, I don’t know, that you’re coming in very confident and…

Stephen:
[28:15] Dominating the game.

Mark:
[28:16] Yeah. So that’s just, I suppose, yeah, just be aware when not to speak and to listen and to allow other people to have their moment. I think, does anybody have anything…

Stephen:
[28:27] That’s very important, isn’t it, to let people have their moment, especially, you know, if they’re new. If you’re a player and a new person’s come in, if they want to say something, then they should certainly be allowed to do so. I think that sort of personality comes in playing the game a lot more. You become more confident and you may take over the game. But I think it’s something to be aware of if you don’t want to be speaking too much.

Mark:
[28:50] In a work meeting, it encourages balanced discussion and fosters more inclusive environment. So all perspectives are heard. That’s obviously to the advantage of any social situation.

Stephen:
[29:02] Everyone’s time they’ve turned up to play the game. You don’t want to be dominating the entire time. So you’re playing for three hours. you don’t want to be the only person that’s done anything and that’s pretty antisocial um so yeah i mean it’s definitely relevant in the games we play.

Barry:
[29:14] I think there’s a couple of things going on here so um i have i described myself i talk about my social anxiety but i’m a chatter you know i really enjoy the company of people even though it’s freaking exhausting um and like in my day-to-day life i think i probably talk a little bit too much i’m i did there’s some adhd stuff going on there i’m quite likely to interrupt people quite often i know what they’re going to say when they’re only halfway through it etc etc etc weirdly and it’s quite a zen experience for me around the dnd table is one of the places where i i find it really easy to give people their space to talk because i’m invested in their part of the story like i not only not only do i find it easy to give them their space sometimes i’m spellbound by what they’re saying and doing i’m literally, do you know what i mean it’s like it’s um that john said it and it’s really important earlier on, like being invested in other people’s characters, their backstories, where their character arc is going. i find it really entertaining.

Mark:
[30:13] So it’s not even just on a on a being polite level or you’re doing it because it enhances your experience it gives you fuel for the rest of your session absolutely.

Barry:
[30:22] Absolutely and and like our current table there isn’t a single character there whose story i’m not fascinated by do you know what i mean and so when when dundall starts talking yeah i’ll fucking listen.

Mark:
[30:36] Yeah i notice your attention span is always on the money don’t get me wrong i can see it but that i’ve never had that insight into what you’re thinking and how you’re keeping that attention span there you are genuinely interested and and entertained by these these other characters and what they’re saying and what they’re doing yeah that’s fantastic that’s why you’ve just taken to the hobby so well isn’t it i mean you’ve found that element of enjoyment from it and.

Barry:
[31:00] It’s it’s like i i didn’t use the word like zen lightly it’s when i’m listening to a player play out their character i’m genuinely interested in where they’re going what they’re doing it’s it’s sometimes it’s like reading a book or watching a movie i do shut up because i’m like oh god what is he gonna say next.

Mark:
[31:21] Uh john do you what’s your experience at the table with um people being respectful to each other how would you handle that if it wasn’t happening it.

Jon:
[31:29] Changes from on table to the next but yes like you said if you you can get enjoyment vicariously yeah overriding other people you know interrupting their conversation with the beginning of yours that’s that’s.

Mark:
[31:44] Avoid it yeah yeah it can be it’s a bit of a faux pas at the table wouldn’t you say it seems some people take it more personally than others but being interrupted yeah when you’re in character saying your thing yeah.

Stephen:
[31:55] I mean a lot of people, Remember playing some games, we had a player, no matter where his character was, he had an opinion on what was happening. He would always interject with someone else’s part in the game and have an opinion or tell them what they should be doing or shouldn’t be doing. Or just saying things like, as if his character was standing right next to him. And people would say, no, you’re not there, you’re not there. I mean, that statement, you’re not there, is one I’ve heard a lot. Some players don’t want you to be there. They want you to do it themselves. And if you start saying things, you can’t do that, you’re not there. see they can’t influence what you’re doing which isn’t collaborative i must admit but still it’s a fact in the game if your character’s three miles away doing something else probably shouldn’t have anything the right thing to.

Mark:
[32:36] Do is not be there.

Stephen:
[32:37] Yeah there’s that that’s the time to be quiet and just sort of nod whether you agree with what’s happening in that scene or not.

Barry:
[32:42] It takes me a beat to remember that i’m not there i will i will i will start and i literally i’ll maybe get two words into my sentence and i’ll literally go oh shit i’m not there all of the players are there you’re hearing everything that’s being said that kind of disassociation from that is quite a difficult thing to pull off and like i say it takes me a bit i will go well i think i should shut the fuck up because i’m not there that’s.

Jon:
[33:06] Coming from the place of being invested.

Barry:
[33:08] Yeah it’s not a.

Mark:
[33:09] Bad thing be respectful when other people are talking and notice when you you you don’t have a part to play in the particular scene and.

Stephen:
[33:16] Add to the scene by saying nothing.

Barry:
[33:18] Watch the scene enjoy the scene absolutely i mean it’s a little bit of entertainment for you take it for what it is uh.

Mark:
[33:26] The eighth one out of the 10 is speak respectfully uh respectful communication even when offering constructive criticism maintains a positive professional attitude and atmosphere in the workplace it helps avoid conflicts and builds trust.

Barry:
[33:41] So respect.

Mark:
[33:42] At the table barry i think give you um the start on this because this is pretty um important to you isn’t it really that that general level of respect amongst.

Barry:
[33:51] You’ve related this to work not me, I am much more respectful around the D&D table than I am at work. Those bitches can kiss my ass. Do you know what I mean? It’s like, yeah, I haven’t chosen. I’m being forced to be there against my will in order to be able to eat and have a roof over my head. That is a completely different dynamic. And so, yeah, around the table, I go out of my way to be nice and respectful to people. Don’t get me wrong, the banter, once you get to know people and you’ve built a rapport, you start to know where your boundaries are and, you know, what people find funny, what people don’t find funny. You know, all of that stuff’s fine. That’s just normal life.

Mark:
[34:29] But you’re saying about political correctness and things that could be said incorrectly.

Barry:
[34:34] I did no stage did I use the word political correctness, nor will I. I just, you know, I don’t think there’s a place for potentially prejudicial and punching down humour in my life. I don’t expect it from my friends. I don’t expect it at a D&D table. I’ve never experienced it at a D&D table. the only reason I brought it up was because people that I’ve spoken to have said that they have.

Mark:
[34:57] Yeah, okay.

Barry:
[34:58] I haven’t.

Mark:
[34:59] I haven’t either. I haven’t either. Stephen?

Stephen:
[35:01] Just to make it clear, are we talking about respectful talk from the players or in-game?

Barry:
[35:06] Oh, no.

Stephen:
[35:07] Because it’s different, isn’t it?

Barry:
[35:08] Yeah.

Stephen:
[35:08] I think you can’t think things too personally if you’re a character that are having a little bit of a jibe.

Mark:
[35:13] So therefore be prepared that other people will be playing their character and be disrespectful to you.

Stephen:
[35:17] Yeah, but also don’t mask your hatred of this person in character. If you see what I mean.

Barry:
[35:22] But that’s…

Stephen:
[35:23] But it is a thin divide, but you shouldn’t be, you’ve got to be a little bit thick skinned when it comes down to in game. Otherwise it’s very kind of sanitized talk. And I guess that makes it more boring game.

Mark:
[35:33] If I’m awkward for everybody as a DM, I often, you do see there is maybe small personality crashes at the table. And you can, you can help them with that. Can’t you as a DM and you can sort of break it up and dissolve that.

Stephen:
[35:48] Yeah. But I think there should be a kind of scope for it. Not everyone has to be really sanitized in game. to make it.

Mark:
[35:54] Create something.

Stephen:
[35:54] Interesting you know not everyone has to go oh jolly good fun i think.

Barry:
[35:58] That’s a really important point and i think it’s really well put um my character will be as nasty as i want him to be but when i turn to you as a player.

Mark:
[36:09] We’ll be.

Barry:
[36:11] The bestest of friends yeah yeah yeah.

Mark:
[36:13] You’ve got to get used to that because it still can sting personally sometimes yeah exactly but just try and separate it please yeah john john you you with no names like but you’ve got some awkward players that you play with and how do you feel as if they are handled at the table by the other players around them you you say it’s very accommodating which you think would not be such a positive thing it’s not usually.

Jon:
[36:34] A good idea but if you’re playing someone’s house and like yeah it’s.

Mark:
[36:37] Yeah but.

Jon:
[36:38] Um a lot of that is personal confidence, You don’t have to take on board what they’re saying. You can ignore it. It’s down to you.

Mark:
[36:47] Does it affect anybody’s enjoyment? You’re DMing this table, are you?

Jon:
[36:50] Sometimes we take it in shifts.

Mark:
[36:52] Do you find it’s not putting anybody off your players?

Jon:
[36:54] Not massively, because I think he knows that no one actually subscribes to those particular beliefs and just tends to shut the fuck up. Most of it’s this learned white van man behavior nonsense. And meh.

Mark:
[37:09] How much people can just say. Yeah, because we are very accommodating, as we’ve already said. As a hobby, we welcome anybody. And if you can put up with somebody like that at your table, that’s a sign that this hobby is very accommodating.

Barry:
[37:21] And if you are that person and you can moderate your behavior, then I’ll sit at the table with you.

Mark:
[37:27] Yeah, me too.

Barry:
[37:27] Just don’t bring that shit up.

Jon:
[37:30] Yeah.

Mark:
[37:32] And that’s why we stick to playing the game and not speaking about other shit.

Stephen:
[37:35] Well, yeah, it’s unnecessary, isn’t it? Don’t bring up anything that’s not necessary. What’s the point?

Mark:
[37:39] Politics at the table is the worst thing. Do not come in and start speaking politics. It’s just, no, I don’t find there’s any place for it at the table. Friendship’s fine.

Barry:
[37:48] No, but it’s interesting though, isn’t it? Because politics come up in game quite a lot.

Mark:
[37:53] Yeah.

Barry:
[37:54] Like, you know, one of my characters interfered in an election. Like, I wouldn’t, in real life, that would just be utterly abhorrent to me. But it was true to my character. My character’s motivation’s made absolute sense. Yeah, we rigged an election. It is. And this is something that, you know, I keep coming back to you. I wouldn’t recommend people did that in real life. But it’s quite good fun doing it in a game.

Jon:
[38:19] I’ve just finished reffing a game that was run as part of the presidential campaign.

Barry:
[38:28] Oh, wow.

Jon:
[38:28] Nice. Oh, wow. The stuff they’ve done. Most of it was, you know, above.

Barry:
[38:33] Justifiable.

Jon:
[38:33] It was good.

Barry:
[38:34] Yep.

Jon:
[38:34] But, yeah, they definitely stuck the boot in.

Mark:
[38:37] You get a mix of political opinions, I’m sure, at the table. It’s not discussed enough for a store to identify as being one way or another. Just keep it well out of it. And the game provides enough political tension, as you say, and you can get it fixed.

Stephen:
[38:49] Yeah, you get your hit there.

Mark:
[38:50] Okay, so the ninth one out of ten is stay on topic. So keep into the agenda in a meeting is crucial for efficiency. Staying focused on the subject at hand prevents the discussion from veering off course and respects everybody’s time in a meeting. but I think that those things are very relevant at a role-playing table as well because… I know some DMs quite often, we’ve got one in our community that does let the players just kind of talk. And I think you’re playing it where a lot of the session is taken up by banter and things that are not particularly well focused on the game. But then we’re playing a game on the opposite side of the coin where the DM is everything is about the game. You know, every choice, every thought, everything we say is really on point. I guess there is an in-between, but I would favour what I’m doing.

Stephen:
[39:39] To what and i totally agree with you um i guess that’s how we’ve grown up playing games you take the game first don’t you and everything else is secondary um while you’re in in that environment at least anyway it’s easy to.

Mark:
[39:51] Be sidetracked when we’re all sharing lots of pop culture lots of little references that come up and we could suddenly fly off and start talking about a film.

Stephen:
[39:58] Or tv show very it’s organic i don’t think you should turn up to us uh your session thinking this could be a social potentially um but i don’t know john you’re playing a game that is a social I mean.

Jon:
[40:09] Yes and no. I will definitely go off on different tangents, but keeping it relevant is kind of there. It’s all enjoyable. There’s no, you know, there’s like social injustice and fighting for equal rights for were-rats. Stuff like that. That’s not come up before.

Mark:
[40:32] It’s not breaking out and then suddenly talking about American Werewolf in London or something.

Jon:
[40:37] But he’s talking about it when we’re in the middle of a fight yeah okay and but it’s still enjoyable but the dm gets that.

Mark:
[40:46] Too i as a dm i i prefer things to stay very much on topic those kind of conversations.

Jon:
[40:51] He uses that sort of stuff as a a time to read up on that the bits he’s doing so it’s extra boning up time which is okay okay.

Mark:
[41:01] Yeah which which approach do you prefer barry Would you prefer there to be more banter, sort of more just discussion?

Barry:
[41:07] I think the balance is pretty right at our table, although I don’t think you and I view our table exactly the same way, because I think, yeah, our table is quite task-orientated, but I don’t think there’s a reasonable amount of banter, and we do tangent occasionally into stuff that isn’t game-related. I think for me, when you talk about an agenda, I suppose the equivalent agenda, rpg would be game flow and like decisions really annoy me and this isn’t just in rpg this is just in life in general it’s like trying to herd cats like we once spent i think it was 35 minutes deciding whether to go left or right and we had no knowledge as to what the advantages and disadvantages of either.

Mark:
[41:51] But that’s staying on topic still.

Barry:
[41:52] But yeah but that that jarred me because I was just like roll the fucking dice man just like I want us to be focused enough that the narrative is moving but I don’t want us to be so rigid that there are nuances and jokes and stuff like that that gets missed and I think again this is one of those things that comes down to how good is your dm.

Mark:
[42:15] Yeah I prefer to play a game like that with somebody like that I’d be less interested in the game where they broke out into conversation about pop culture or kept on kind of leading to conversations and then the dm going right come on let’s get back to it where were we those games are less interesting to me i much prefer what we’ve got and that’s how i like to dm too a hundred percent yeah nothing.

Stephen:
[42:36] More distractors and then going off on tangents have nothing to do with the what you’re doing so yeah so dm that can keep it focused and but have a laugh in between if you have to it’s fine you know a bit of balance here.

Mark:
[42:48] So find out what your table is um primarily all about i think and then try and fit in with what you’ve got but yeah this.

Barry:
[42:55] Is one of the other things as well if you’re just starting out you’re not going to have a clue which of these you’d prefer.

Mark:
[42:59] No i i would encourage you to stay on topic and not get not not lead the conversation, away you know from the game wait for it to return to the game and try not to be involved in those kinds of conversations quite so much that would be my advice okay the final point and this is point 10 is follow the agenda so in an office sticking to the meeting agenda keeps the team on track and ensures that all important points are covered, this is staying on topic isn’t it i mean it is i.

Stephen:
[43:29] Can’t see the plot is this what we’re talking about okay yeah let’s take it from the angle yeah i mean some players delight in not following the plot don’t they yeah so.

Mark:
[43:38] That’s not a bad thing.

Stephen:
[43:39] If you experience enough dm i suppose or the adventure can handle you kind of going off in a complete different direction but i guess there are a series of tasks aren’t they a lot of these games you do oh it seems split into tasks and then that gets you where you need to be but.

Barry:
[43:51] It is it is.

Stephen:
[43:52] A running joke at our table at.

Barry:
[43:53] The moment every time we meet someone i’m like if they give us a job i’m gonna shoot because i’ve had enough of jobs just tell me the information i don’t want to i don’t want to go off on a quest just so that you can come back and tell.

Stephen:
[44:05] Me what i could classic what i could torture out of you right fucking now frankly well yeah that’s kind of against the plot the dm probably wants you to follow that through but you know i said that shortcuts is what it’s about follow.

Mark:
[44:16] Your agenda don’t necessarily feel obliged to follow the the agenda of the dm and don’t do so in a don’t don’t don’t purposefully try and derail and make it difficult for the dm but the flow of where the game goes from the character’s point of view is where you need to be.

Stephen:
[44:31] I think it’s a buy into the game if you bought into the game and you’re you know you’re interested in where it’s going to begin and and end i don’t think you can go far wrong if you’re not that interested in where it’s going then you could be a disruptive player in that respect but it’s um keeping it motivation.

Mark:
[44:45] As we would.

Stephen:
[44:46] Say motivation everyone’s got a motivation for doing stuff but yeah shortcuts are cool i mean yeah i mean the players come up with a way of bypassing this year they told you to go off to about a three session fetch quest and you find a way of doing it in like three seconds like the wish spell or something like do it like.

Barry:
[44:59] One of the things that comes up a lot online their dm will be saying oh you know i had this amazingly crafted non-playing character and and i had this throwaway character the throwaway character my players loved so that became the important character yeah you know i mean it’s like we we adopted the gelatinous cube on my first ever campaign and i don’t think anyone saw that coming.

Stephen:
[45:18] We left him behind you played the same campaign you left him behind.

Mark:
[45:22] Oh you’re missing.

Jon:
[45:23] Out he didn’t want to but he moves very slow it’s.

Mark:
[45:25] Very difficult to get through the underdark with him.

Jon:
[45:27] Yeah yeah well we did take the mushroom because we can now all speak the language.

Stephen:
[45:32] Did you eat the mushroom.

Mark:
[45:33] Still yeah it was fantastic this is the um out of the abyss dnd fifth edition campaign it’s abyss.

Jon:
[45:41] Even yeah our best will be a different podcast.

Stephen:
[45:44] Level of the party as well especially in dnd can change exactly where the plot goes oh yeah, power suddenly escalates i had a game we did it up to like 20th level and uh one of the characters got wish and that pretty much changes the entire game and completely everything i had planned the firm to do they said well i was going to wish that okay fair play but generally i think people will follow the plot did.

Mark:
[46:04] You get mischievous malicious players.

Stephen:
[46:06] Yes purposefully absolutely yeah yeah they’re tough ones to deal with right absolutely yeah, contrary you mean I think there’s a.

Mark:
[46:14] Bit selfishness involved there from the players point of view they’re not.

Stephen:
[46:16] I think they just try and prove that anything’s possible you know you tell us I can do anything I’m going to do anything but sometimes it’s not it’s the unspoken written you’ve got to buy into this game so there’s a certain boundaries to your game still that you still respect those boundaries the agenda.

Mark:
[46:30] I would call that.

Stephen:
[46:31] Yeah you still got to respect what’s going on not be too freeform because.

Mark:
[46:36] You take up a lot of time from the DM if you want to walk completely off the script and do something that nobody else wants to do or doesn’t even make a hell of a lot of sense, then all you’re doing is taking up everybody’s time.

Stephen:
[46:47] I suppose if the DM’s making up, he goes along anyway. It doesn’t really matter. But if they’re following a set scenario, that’s a very tricky thing to do.

Mark:
[46:53] Yeah. Barry, do you ever have any feelings that you’d like to walk out into nothingness?

Barry:
[46:58] So there was a point in our current campaign where the election that I referred to earlier on that we rigged, there was talk of me standing. And if I won, my character would have to stay there. so that wasn’t part of the plot but I think the way that you reconcile that is you go well I’ll get no character, If I think this is what my character would do, rather than having to derail a campaign, just say goodbye to that character.

Mark:
[47:24] A player saying that to me is music to my ears because I think that is exactly how I’d like to do it as a DM. I’d like to say, well, that character arc has come to completion. That’s a great way for your character to finish off.

Barry:
[47:35] And, you know, your character’s not dying in a future campaign. You could pick that guy up again. There’s no, you know.

Mark:
[47:40] But don’t require me to follow that character and down that line because it’s not going to happen. and it’s not what I’ve prepared for. It’s not what this campaign is about. It doesn’t involve too many other people. So be prepared that that then sidelines you, and the adventure continues in this direction, and you’re going to have to reintroduce somebody new in order to come into it.

Barry:
[48:02] Yeah, and narratively. You can’t just, you know.

Mark:
[48:04] Yeah, if it all makes sense, narratively.

Barry:
[48:06] Narratively, it’s normally you meet another guy in a pub.

Mark:
[48:09] That’s how things begin, and you beat the shit out of him with a pure tank.

Stephen:
[48:13] That’s the third character you have to make up then.

Mark:
[48:14] So, John, your agenda is not as fixed as it might be for most people if they’re coming in and playing a pre-written D&D campaign or even a one-shot adventure where the agenda is fairly clear. You don’t particularly want to stray too far from that. Sandbox games that you’re used to playing allow far more flexibility with regards, well, you might not even be aware what the agenda is, right? It’s not going to be predefined. your agenda may develop during the session. You might find something to do. You might not know, and it could be anything. Those are games that are very popular. We’re finding people at our community, quite often new DMs say, I say to them, what are you going to run? They say sandbox. I say, find sandbox if you’ve got an idea. I’m just going to sit down and see where it leads. You can get some quite mischievous players that don’t want to stick to the agenda, causing quite strange outcomes in games like that. Yeah, so you’ve got to be a bit careful. But it’s a popular form of playing, and there’s a fairly decent chance you’re going to end up in a game like that. Thank you for listening. We’re at the end of another podcast.

Barry:
[49:21] Don’t be a dick.

Jon:
[49:22] Yeah, we’ll still live by.

Mark:
[49:24] Right, that is it. I think that sums it all up. When I edit this down, that’ll be it. Three seconds. Stephen, don’t go. You’re about to leave, wouldn’t you? You can’t leave. You’ve got to do your thing.

Stephen:
[49:32] I’m stretching and limbering up for this. It’s not easy to do. So let’s slice and dice.